The Dementia Journey · A free resource from Caring Companions

What to Say Instead

Common corrections on the left, doors that open on the right. These are tools, not scripts: say them in your own voice, at your own pace. They work best when everyone who helps with care uses the same doors.

The boundary that never bends: joining their reality never means agreeing to danger. Driving, money, medications, and safety keep firm limits, wrapped in warm words. And if you are ever afraid for your own safety, step away and get help.

Instead of"You already asked me that."

Try

Answer warmly, like it's the first time. "It's at three o'clock. Let's have coffee while we wait."

Instead of"Don't you remember?"

Try

Retire this one entirely. Share the memory instead: "I was just thinking about the time we..."

Instead of"Dad, you're retired. You haven't worked in twenty years."

Try

"You were always the one they could count on. What kind of work is on your mind today?"

Instead of"Nobody stole your purse. You lost it again."

Try

"That's upsetting, your purse matters. Let's look together. It may have been put somewhere safe."

Instead of"This IS your house. You've lived here forty years."

Try

"Tell me about home. What do you miss most about it?" Then, when the feeling settles: tea, a photo, a familiar chair.

Instead of"Mom, Grandpa died fifteen years ago."

Try

"You miss him. Tell me about him." Join the love, not the timeline; forcing fresh grief helps no one.

Instead of"You can't drive anymore. We've been over this."

Try

"You love being behind the wheel. Today I'm your driver, keep me company." The feeling is honored; the keys stay put.

Instead of"No, that's wrong."

Try

"Hm, let's figure it out together." You lose nothing by sharing the puzzle instead of grading the answer.

The pocket phrases: "You seem worried." · "I am here with you." · "You are safe." · "We can take our time." · "Would you help me with something?" · "Let's have a cup of coffee while we wait."